The controversy surrounding Folarin Balogun’s World Cup red card reminds us of an important principle: whether in football or Family Court, rules matter, and poor decisions can have lasting consequences
Football fans know that a red card can change the course of a game in seconds. A moment of poor judgment can leave a team at a disadvantage and affect the outcome long after the final whistle.
Family Court is no different as it is often portrayed as a battleground between parents. In reality, the Court is not interested in declaring winners and losers. Its focus is the welfare of the child. Yet time and again, I see parents make avoidable mistakes that not only weaken their case but, more importantly, place additional strain on their children.
Here are five behaviours that might earn a metaphorical red card in Family Court.
🚩 1. Using Children as Messengers
One of the most common mistakes parents make after separation is involving children in adult disputes. It can be tempting to confide in a child, ask them what happened at the other parent’s home, or allow frustration to spill over into conversations they should never hear. Parents often underestimate the emotional burden this places on a child.
A child should never feel responsible for carrying messages, gathering information, or choosing between the people they love. What may seem like an innocent question can leave a child feeling torn between loyalties. Over time, this can affect their confidence, emotional wellbeing and their ability to maintain healthy relationships with both parents.
Family Courts are increasingly aware of the impact parental conflict has on children and will look carefully at whether a parent is encouraging a child to become involved in disputes that should remain firmly between adults.
🚩 2. Ignoring Court Orders
In football, ignoring the referee rarely ends well.
Similarly, failing to comply with court orders can have serious consequences.
It is understandable that parties do not always agree with decisions made by the court. Family proceedings are often deeply emotional, however, disagreement is not a justification for non-compliance. Courts expect orders to be followed unless and until they are varied
A parent who decides to take matters into their own hands may feel they are acting in the child’s best interests, but the court may take a very different view. Judges are often less concerned by a parent’s disappointment with a decision than by a parent’s unwillingness to respect the legal process. If circumstances have changed, there are appropriate ways to challenge or vary an order. Simply ignoring it is rarely one of them.
🚩 3. Prioritising “Winning” Over the Child’s Welfare
Many family disputes begin with legitimate concerns. However, some cases evolve into battles where the original focus on the child becomes secondary to defeating the other parent.
The Family Court is not concerned with which parent “wins”. Its primary consideration is the welfare of the child.
By the time many cases reach court, emotions are running high and trust has often broken down completely. However, judges are generally not concerned with which parent “wins” and are more interested in which parent can demonstrate an ability to prioritise the child’s needs.
Parents who remain focused on practical solutions, stability and the child’s emotional wellbeing are often in a stronger position than those who become consumed by proving the other parent wrong. A courtroom is not a football stadium. The objective is not to score points against the other side, but to achieve an outcome that promotes the child’s welfare.
🚩 4. Making Allegations Without Evidence
Family Courts take allegations of abuse extremely seriously, however parties should remember that the court’s role is to assess evidence rather than emotion.
Consistency, honesty and reliability matter. Judges deal with disputed accounts every day. They are often less persuaded by dramatic assertions than by clear and measured evidence. In many cases, how something is said can be just as important as what is said.
This does not mean every allegation requires extensive documentary evidence. Family Courts recognise that abuse, particularly coercive and controlling behaviour, often takes place behind closed doors. Nevertheless, credibility remains crucial. A measured account supported by available evidence is generally more persuasive than exaggerated claims or allegations made in the heat of conflict. Parents should focus on presenting the facts clearly rather than attempting to strengthen their case through speculation or assumption.
🚩 5. Speaking Negatively About the Other Parent in Front of the Child
Separation may end a relationship, but it does not end parenthood. Children often identify strongly with both parents and hearing one parent repeatedly criticise the other can be deeply harmful.
Even where relationships between adults have broken down completely, parents should strive to shield children from hostility wherever possible.
When a child hears one parent belittle the other, they can feel caught between two people they love. Some children begin to feel guilty for enjoying time with the other parent, while others feel pressured to take sides. These emotional burdens can remain with a child long after proceedings have concluded.
The most effective co-parenting relationships are not necessarily those where parents get along perfectly. They are often the ones where parents recognise that their child’s relationship with the other parent should not become a casualty of adult conflict.
The Ultimate Goal Is Not Victory
One of the greatest misconceptions about family proceedings is that there must be a winner and a loser. In reality, the best outcomes are often achieved when parents move away from the idea of “beating” each other and instead focus on what their child needs to thrive.
A red card in football may cost a team the match. In Family Court, poor decisions can have consequences long after proceedings have ended.
The question every parent should ask is not: “How do I win?”, but rather: “What outcome is best for my child?” Because when children are protected from conflict, everybody wins.
This article is for general information only and does not constitute legal or professional advice. Please note that the law may have changed since this article was published.
